Thursday, 6 August 2015

Another baby? How do you decide?

Another baby or not? 

One minute I'm making my husband watch OBEM, the next I'm eyeing up which one of the thousands of baby toys I have accumulated in 7 years, can swiftly be put on freecycle, you know, to make room for that lovely new vase with long twigs and sparkly lights protruding out of it from John Lewis. I haven't had room for it until now.

Do we ever get to a point as parents, that we know enough is enough? Do we ever feel at peace with knowing that our DNA will never again combine and produce one of these tiny miracles? 

At the hub of all social, intellectual and thought provoking conversation, better known as 'the school playground' I have posed this question many times. 
I've been met with, I wanted more but we left it too late, I'm too old now, and those that said after their last addition they just knew it was time for a circumcision. I won't try and dress that last one up. 

As a mother to 4, I am in total limbo about the whole baby or no baby dilemma. 
I read a quote from a lady in America who said
"You can regret the child you never had but you will never regret the child you did" 
And it has stuck to me like a cheerio to a toddlers face.
 
What do you do when you can't quite decide? Should you keep going until you get the 'moment' when your uterus packs up and goes on permanent leave due to stress. Or do you stop when the desire to reproduce becomes a wish wash of maybes and what ifs? 

For now, my uterus is on vacation, not with indefinite leave to remain, but just a visa to have a holiday. It has had a battering in the last few years. 

Until I decide, I will just feed my slight pee on a stick addiction (poas to those of us on every baby forum know to man) and spend £10 on two tests every few months just to, you know, feel in the loop still and maybe test my reaction...

If you knew you were done, when and how did it happen? Was it a light bulb moment or did you always have a plan of how many mouths you would feed? 

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